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Friday, April 10, 2009

im so freaking confused

i hate my life. i dont know if i really like him. he cant stop thinking about me. i cant stop thinking about him, but for different reasons. we need to talk it out, but i dont know if i want to. i was so happy, but now i just dont know. i dont think im ready for this. i dont want to have to lie. but hes so sweet. i just dont know. this is worse than joe. and i thought that was bad. i mean, i was happy before him. but am i still happy? or am i worse? im too stressed. im worried about alot of things, and i dont know what to do. this is what ive wanted forever. but im not sure if hes the right one. this sucks.
now im dreading the meet next wednesday. but i love track and i want to do well. But how can i??? my head is about to explode. i want to go run and clear my brain and think, but its raining. at least if i go it will disguise my tears. im scared. i dont want him, but in so many ways, i do. i dont know if im ready.
Is this what i want? or should i wait? Laura and Zach are so happy together, and i want it to be like that for me. They can trust each other with everything. thats what i want. But i dont know if thats what will happen. should i? or shouldnt i? i dont think im ready for this. ill never see him. i dont want to have to go behind anyones back to do this.
im not like that.
this isnt me.

3 comments:

ellie said...

be careful. think about you.

Unknown said...

Maybe things aren't that perfect as they seem for Laura and Zach. You have to be comfortable. You have to be you. Just don't feel you have to do something you don't want to do. I hope you got to run..and I hope you did fantastic at the track meet.

pookieface :] said...

thanks. and you were right.. kinda. Laura and Zach broke up after 7 months. And andy (the guy i was talking about) came to alot of this stuff, but i found out he was a total skeeze and a player so i told him off then ignored him. and ive been happy since :]