im so freaking confused

i hate my life. i dont know if i really like him. he cant stop thinking about me. i cant stop thinking about him, but for different reasons. we need to talk it out, but i dont know if i want to. i was so happy, but now i just dont know. i dont think im ready for this. i dont want to have to lie. but hes so sweet. i just dont know. this is worse than joe. and i thought that was bad. i mean, i was happy before him. but am i still happy? or am i worse? im too stressed. im worried about alot of things, and i dont know what to do. this is what ive wanted forever. but im not sure if hes the right one. this sucks.
now im dreading the meet next wednesday. but i love track and i want to do well. But how can i??? my head is about to explode. i want to go run and clear my brain and think, but its raining. at least if i go it will disguise my tears. im scared. i dont want him, but in so many ways, i do. i dont know if im ready.
Is this what i want? or should i wait? Laura and Zach are so happy together, and i want it to be like that for me. They can trust each other with everything. thats what i want. But i dont know if thats what will happen. should i? or shouldnt i? i dont think im ready for this. ill never see him. i dont want to have to go behind anyones back to do this.
im not like that.
this isnt me.

Award time!

i've been tagged by Roxy who also gave me the award below. :)

The rules of this blogging award are to:
1. Link the blog who gave you this award.
2. Give the award to seven other bloggers and link them.
3. Tell them that you have given them an award.

So, I am giving this blog award to .....

1. Neon Duck

2. B2the3

3. Karl

4. Liv

5. another.ellie

6. dark_athene

7. HappyCload make your own blog soon!!!!

now, time for the 4x4 tag.
Places I go over and over...
1. school.
2.gymnastics
3. facebook
4. my room... or my cave as my little sister calls it. ill go in there, do homework, read, listento music and only come out for meals
People who e-mail me regularly:
1. Kelsey
2. Abby
3. Liz (ma cousine)
4. jenna
Favorite Smells:

1. cookies in the oven
2. campfires
3. herbal essences shampoo
4. lillies
Places I Would Rather Be:
1. california.
2. hawaii/ fiji
3. colorado
4. in summer at the pool hangin with my peeps
TV Shows I Watch:
1. Drake and josh
2. suite life on deck

3. jon and kate + eight
4. that 70's show
The Fourth Picture From My Folder
Cant do this cuz my internets broken and i am on my dads laptop.... so none of my amazing pictures are on here.

Happy saturday to everyone, while im at it!

Mood: .....

ok, sorry that other post totally just got messed up.... ooops.

Mood: I hate science.

Ok, so like, our science class is doing this HUUUUUUGE project... we can pick our own topics but theyve got to be like, really good and stuff.... im thinking about doing an experiment that shows what affects relative pitch. Relative pictch is like, when you can hear the difference in notes and stuff. Im thinking that maybe gender affects it because in my choir class all of us girls are really good, and the guys SUCK SOOOOOOO BAD. And i was wondering if age, ethnicity, and musical background affect it. So im like, supposed to be reasearching it, but i dont feel like it. Im at school by the way.

You know what song i have stuck in my head??? Carry on my wayward son. stupid geometry teachers.

You know what, like, bugs the crap out of me??? Facebook is blocked on the school computers. drats.

you know what i just figured out??? o wait, never mind. blech.

Ok, in other important news, i think im finally starting to like someone. Last year, i was like, totally in love with Kendal, for almost the entire year, and i got over him then havent liked anyone since. But now im starting to like this guy named Nate whose in my gym class. hes pretty cute, and really strong, and nice, and funny, and has an awesome smile. but he wasnt here today, and i looked good too. ]: but it was so embarrassing because i was at lunch the other day, and he was a couple tables over, and he kept looking at me, and like the clutz i am, i totally spilled my lemonade all over myself. it was horrible. i just about died.

but i really should start working now, so im going to say buh byyyye.
Y Y Y Y Y Y Y Y Y Y Y Y Y Y Y Y Y Y Y Y

Mood: bored and anti-social

I'm listening to the RadioU Team Awesome Christmas Eve Eve Show. So that's a bad sign.

Kidding!! well i am listening but its freaking hilarious and George is shveet. i love his accent! (He's from the UK!!!!!!!!!)

But i am sooooooooooooooo sick of people. Gabby and Laney form my gymnastics team (they're sisters) are ALWAYS arguing, my bro and sis are being frickin irritating, and idk, im just waaaay more of a "by myself" person than i used to be. I think an ambulance just drove by my house. Sorry, that was random.

Oh, and today i was at my grandparents house and my grampa gave me this spiel about how textbooks lie and there's all these conspiratorists who are trying to take God completely out of everything which i know, (i mean why the heck are they teaching us that we evolved from like, monkeys and mud and stuff? Even God is a better explanation than that. ) and then was talking about how God blessed America and now we're basically wasting all of it. And, im glad he cares but still, .... and he's giving me his follow up speech later. Joy.

We had a rehersal for the Christmas Eve skit yesterday. Shackle is the Director. I'm Mary, and this cute little kid named Benjamin is Thoedore who is an angle that finds the best halleluya sound, and we have Rosie as our narrator. Its really cute. And i get to wear an awesome blue hodded robe thing and hold a baby wrapped in a tablecloth. It wasnt as bad as i thought it would be, Shackle was my 7th grade L.A. teacher so i thought it would be akward. Shackle was reeeeeeeeeeallly loud, like always.

But i still need to do some Christmas shopping, for Laura (U) and my sister. ugh. i've only got 5 bucks too! and my parents said im not getting that awesome purple new video nano that i wanted. =[
so now i have to save up my own money and buy it off eBay. like i did with my current iPod. Its the old normal nano, in green.

Anyway,
Merry Christmas, Happy Hannukah (sp?) watevs. i think im gonna go sleep.

Holiday cheer

just watch. I know the beginnings a bit boring, but watch.



yeah. fave band evrr.

Mood: Lazy, but entertained

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!
Ok, have any of you guys seen the Mr. Bean movies, or a movie called Johnny English???? Well, you should.
This is the actor who has the main role in both of those movies and this vid is just HILAIRIOUS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
so watch. Thats an order.



Funny huh?!?!?!



They dont have very good cat sound effects, but whatever.



Ooooh! This is the current new saying on Wintallo.com (my cousins friend's site):

Why do people point to their wrists when asking for the time, but don't point to their crotch when they ask where the bathroom is?

I found that funny also. Hop that spacing didnt come out wrong, because i had to use the space bar.

I had almost no homework tonight, for once, and finished a book that we were only supposed to read to chater 8 or something in, plus i watched hours of t.v and got to skip gymnastics. Which is good and bad. Good because... well i had free time, bad because i love gymnastics and i missed it because im sick. so yeah. Well anyway... have a good night... ok that sounded stupid.

~~lovies~~